back from a break away. and i'm trying to break away from life as i need to live it. already have spring fever. i laid in bed for over an hour this morning, awake, but unable to actually get going with my day. and now, i'm here, still in my bedroom, now with my coat on and just needing shoes... but i can't seem to get myself to go to the internship that i just don't care enough about. and i think about calling in sick, mental health day, whatever, just to not have to go, so i can get back into bed and think some more and try to figure out my life. gear up for the next week of hellish busy-ness--and pleasant distractions. but i can't. i missed last week. the hours are needed. and the kids would terrorize.

my thoughts are elsewhere. i want life to stand still for a moment, or two. or day, or two. i have this need to have everything wrapped up and tidy (not evident from my messy life)... and it's really not. it's a wild feeling, things out of my hands.  i welcome it sometimes. and sometimes i fight hard against it. control and predictability is so much more comfortable. but i got sick of comfort. so who's complaining? in this place of discomfort i just want to create and write and revel in thoughts and feelings... not do homework and run around for this degree i'm seeking. now is not the time for me to entertain these melancholy aspirations.

kick my butt out the door, will ya?